Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Indian Premier (Washer) League

Damn.This is the eleventh sentence that I chose to begin this post with. OK, twelfth if you consider the swearing also. Did so since the other nine were like quahh--aah--aaah [ insert brain-blown-away-by-2-fingers action here].

I was having my lunch today. Since it had something to do with ragi, or something that was ragi,
my concentration slipped off and I started watching something else. That and the fact that we were all sitting water-throw distance from the wash area.

I was glancing at the thin banana in my plate when something chill fell on my elbow. Looking up, I realized it was the work of a wash basin-er. To take revenge on him and all the people like him, I came up with this wierd classification of the ways Indians use the wash basin water resource.

1. Nail edge washers : These people wash just, and only just their painted nail edges. Heppy females in the age group of 20-25 fit here. I guess this is an efficient way of cleaning the part that gets affected while eating brown bread sandwiches. And no, not the way of stuffing 75% of it in one go and wondering whether you should have ordered 1+2 on the same plate.

2. South Indian full hand mixers : These gentlemen use all the palm area (both front and back!) of the hand while mixing rice. So they typically fill their hand with soap, like the way water is filled while drinking directly drinking it from the tap.Then they go with full furious scrubbing until the soap overflows till three fourths of the looking like wash gloves. Some of them , smell their hands after the wash.Guess that's just to make sure that they have used sufficient soap.

3. Non Invasive Sound makers : These people are the vocally active class. They make noises that go like Guaah- Quahh- qerrghh- krheeh and then spit.But they are non violent Gandhians compared the next class.

4. Invasive Sound makers : Apart from being vocally active, these people typically put two to four fingers inside the mouth during the process. Sometimes, it looks like they are trying to pull their large intestines out. ( through the mouth. Obviously). They also go with a using-the-index-finger-as-a-brush action after the invasion. Why one wants to one's capability of not throwing up is beyond comprehension

5. Foreigners : These are the typical Marks, Steves and Johns from the west who are onsiting in the corporates. They use only spoons or chopsticks. So they take tissues from the dispenser, fold them and wipe their hands fully. But the mystery is why they have to do it in front of a wash basin. Bigger mystery is why they have to bend down while doing that in front of the wash basin.

6. Bend it like Beckham-ers : These are the visually harmful people. They bend over the washbasin till the extent of a half postrate as though the flowing water hissing secret blessings. What they fail to understand is that, no one is interested in seeing stitched-pants-clad-backs of men. Neither men nor women.

7. Splatterers : These are the kind because of whom the post came into existance. They wash the whole area in the vicinity ie. three washbasins on either side. Unlike the group 6, these people stand unusally erect and the let the water come down with F = mg force causing others to get drenched.

Of course, there is a eight variety, who use the washbasin in the most dignified manner. They are the kind who just observe the others and milk sarcasm of out of it. The world should learn from them.

P.S : This looks like my first post of the year. Yay! :) Hope wierd things keep happening in the world and I remain sane enough to document them in Web 2.0 :)


  1. so true!! had a good laugh :) now ill have the fun of classifying ppl into these each time i go wash my hand!!

  2. Nice write-up. +5. But hey very very misleading title. -1 for cheating!

  3. Seven! Whate! And to think that I have never observed anyone in the 1, 5 or 6 categories :P

  4. I c0uld never imagine writing such a topic... but thoroughly enjoyed it

  5. @Bhargavi : Do it discreetly. Dont blame me otherwise. :)
    @VK : Its yall in the game. I dint have the heart to name is as Wash basin or washermen :P
    @Dha: If you start your post lunch nap near the wash area itself then you wont observe anything :P
    @sramsh : Thanks